Stories and Poems

Goodread Account

2011-12-02T05:18:00.001-05:00

I’ve gone and joined another site. Like I need to. Well I just might. I need feed back and I think I might get it here. Get a few ideas for short stories until I start my newest ‘novel’ or to help me get through a writer’s block once I have started.

Well here is the link to my profile. I will still post the links here to any stories that I post there so you can find it. But there will be things that I will only write there, like how all my photo work and fractals live over at Deviantart.

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/7052948-jhoy

Now how I got here is interesting. I found a free M/M story in iBooks, downloaded it, read, and started talking with the writer. He then pointed me here, as well as another site for really publishing my work, but I didn’t feel ready for that one yet. So I’ll live at Goodreads for a bit, get my writing more under control and join some writer’s groups and do what I can while I’m off from school, for two or so months. I’m also going to see about redrawing a few things in autocad for practice. But I’m off topic.

School will be out in 3 weeks and at that time, my on like active will spike. Over at DA (Deviantart), and Goodreads. So this could be good. I feel like writing something new. :)

If you have an account over there, do look me up and talk to me for the love of everything green on this floating space rock.

Scribd Link

2011-11-23T03:00:00.002-05:00

Ok, I've now added my Scribd link here.

I thought that I had it over on my main blog all this time but it wasn't there either. I may need to look over all my links now to see what works, what doesn't and what should or shouldn't still be there.

I found this nice web comic. Actually, I'm kinda late in finding it. I've seen it slip by me now and again for I don't know how many mouths now, but I've now settled down, and read it and give the site a nice once over.

I think it's link worth. :) It's called Teahouse by the way.

Last Chapter for Inuyasha Has Been Posted!

2011-11-23T02:18:00.002-05:00

On DA that is. The grand total is 91. After three years my story ends on chapter 91, and even then someone says that I ended on a cliffhanger. :)

I didn't really mean to, but I haven't really left it forever. I have a New Years story that may or may not get posted by New Years, and I feel like spending some time with Sango and Kouga. :) We shall see what happens.

Now I'm also posting this over on my Scribe account in pdf format. It's going to be a big 'book' when I put all the chapters together but I have each chapter by itself also. I even had a cover, of sorts, for it right now. I'm just trying to get official permission to use their pics as part of my cover.

Speaking of covers. I'm set to get a get one for 'Daddy's Acceptance' from a friend of mine over at DA (deviantart.com). It will be nice to see it.... darn. I was suppose to send the girl the specks on each person this past weekend. Well, I'll have time this weekend. I'll just put it in my calender to make sure I send it out to her.

It will be a hoot to see Alex and Ben and the others in 'the flesh' so to speak. :D

Small Update. ...

I got around to getting the discriptions together and sending them off to her. I was kinda surprised when I saw the sheet I was using. When I first saw it, I thought that it was wrong and that I had lost the real sheet, then I realized that I was expecting to see the sheet I had put together for 'Together' my Inuyasha story. :)

So I beefed that up a bit before I sent it off to her and found myself trying to find out about the other people I had in the story along with people from the story 'Gift', since it was a 'spin off' from 'Daddy's Acceptance' and we do see the boys for a few moments and we are still in their school. :)

I may go back there on there and I will need these 'notes'. It would be nice to see how Alex and Eddi turn out. It's a given in my head what happens to Ben and Keven. :) Maybe I'll throw something interesting in there. ... Either way I'm going over a simple update here. :)

I will for sure let you know when I get the covers. If you are interested in seeing my notes on the main people from 'Daddy's Acceptance' and 'The Gift' let me know. Still working on the last part.

Three more weeks of school. .... out of here. Woke up late.

More Inuyasha Updates

2011-07-01T15:10:00.004-04:00

From my last update on this story I have made a few steps. Not as many as I would have liked, but I have made some.

I've gotten to chapter 81 just last night.

I've started to post it over at DA since the summer started and reading it over in process. I have made a few changes. Not just the small misspelled word here and there, but a few re-writing of whole sentences and even getting rid of a few.

I'm going to have repost some of the pdfs over at Scribd soon. (done btw)

Either way, I'm up to chapter 81 and at another block. I'm reading over what I wrote before and every once in a while I find something that I don't remember and consider it a great bit.

My style has slowly changed during the life of this story so I feel out of touch with this story now that I have like 10 chapters left. I'm guessing I just have about 7-10 chapters left, then I'm done.

But it's such a hard push to even want to write on it now. I don't think I have writer's block, just lack of will to write. I pushed myself a little last night, and I got a great way to start chapter 81. Then I started to think that I didn't know how to write it to have it fit in with the rest of the story as much as I want it to. That would be because I haven't written on it in so long and wrote like three other stories during my time away from it.

I'll get around it... I have to. I don't want to say I've spent 4 years on this story. It's already been 3.

If you are interested in seeing what changes I have made to 'Together', that is the name I came up with for the story, then here you go. A link to it over at DA. At the end, in the chapter summery, you will find a link to the next chapter. I've linked them all up now.

Read online - Chapter 1

The Gift

2011-07-01T14:31:00.004-04:00

This is a story that a friend of mine over at DA asked for after she read Daddy's Acceptance.

I did say that I got a following for that story? :)

Either way, this one isn't as... debauched as the parent story. I also started to post this before I was finished just because I was out for summer break. I didn't have the time to look it over as much as I normally do, but I do believe that it came out well.

I currently only have it on DA, so having a DA account would help. I'll get around to making the PDF copy this weekend. I actually forgot about making the pdf until now. That is why I'll be getting around for it this weekend.

I'll be back to post that link when I have it up. :)

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I walked into my last class of the day feeling that it couldn't be any better. My birthday this year was just getting better and better. Before I use to hate having my birthday the week after exams. It was just in time for me to get all the bad news about how great I didn't do on most of my exams, and then to round it off, take my report card home for mom and dad to see, and sign, so I could take it back to my councilor who would place it in my permanent record.

But not this year. I had my friend Kim help me out. Over the phone, or in person, we did every piece of homework we were given and studied for every exam and quiz we didn't know we were getting. Some of the teachers try to be sneaky like that. I'm going to brag when I got home, I said to myself as I walked through the door and saw the teacher coping over the last of the grades into a book.

This was the easiest class I had this year. I'm so getting an 'A'. I grinned to myself as I walked around a few guys to get to my seat. I almost thought that someone had taken my spot when I saw something on the desk in front of it, but when I looked closer I saw that it was a gift. Cool, a birthday gift.

I slid into my seat and propped my backpack up against the wall and gave my attention to the box that I spun around in my hands while it was still flat on my desk. It was a good size box, bigger than my hands on each side. I almost rattled it like a ten year old, but I stopped myself when I thought that it could be something electronic or fragile. I looked around the room to see if anyone would send a signal my way to say that they left it for me. But no one did.

"Hey Keven," I said as I reached over and hit the arm of the guy sitting across from me.

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PDF Download - Read and Download On Scribd

Read - Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12.

I'm back, I'm back!

2011-07-01T14:12:00.005-04:00

Party!!!! (In the long drawn out 80's way of saying it) :)

For once I was persistent and I got what I was due after a major mistake. It feels so nice to know that I was right about something.

I have to put my link(s) back up to this blog.

I have a few back posts to do, not much since writing the story itself takes time, and I didn't have much time on my hands to write more than one story, yet I still try at times. Hence last summer.

Well, for the one person still following this, thank you for sticking around. :)

It's Been A While - New Story

2011-02-27T05:11:00.005-05:00

I know, I haven't posted anything here in a while, but I hope that you have kept up with my links since I post things there first.

But I'll be the first to admit that I'm very late in posting anything here. My "get up and go" has left me.

Either way, I've had some success with my last story. A lot if I think about it. I may have whispered to you (this site) about a story I was working on called "Daddy's Acceptance".

I started posting that story before I finished it, but only about 3-5 chapters before the end. I also posted it in two places at the same time.

Yes, it took a few people a while to warm up to it, but by the time I got half way thought, people were check back multiple times in a day to see if I had updated the story yet. I posted one chapter every 24 hours. In both places.

On one site, DA, I wrapped the story up in every warning they had, so no one under age was going to read it once they didn't lie about their age, then I posted a warning before/at the top of each chapter incase the older set of people forgot that they had their filter turned off. The other site, just asked that they told if you were 18 or not, and you just go in knowing that this is not a mentally safe place. AFF by the way.

Well, when it was done I got praises, and was happy that people really enjoyed it. Now I'm looking for a cover. So currently I do not have a full pdf document of the whole story for you or anyone else to download.

But I am currently posting pdf's of each chapter over at Scribd where I have a page. Since I want you to read this without much addo, I'll point you over there. I haven't posted half of the chapters yet as of this date, 2/27/2011, but I will try to post about 2 chapters every two days or so.

PDF Chapter download or read - Daddy's Acceptance on Scribd

No DA read chapter links. To many. Maybe later.

I would give you a warning here of what is at the end of that link, but I have warnings there too. So you can't miss them.

Later. :)

Inuyasha Story Update

2010-07-10T14:33:00.006-04:00

I've hit a wall. A big looming wall.

I've been looking at chapter 77 for weeks, months even.

I got like two pages or so in, then that was it. I left Inuyasha and Miroku sitting by a well at sunset. I don't understand what the heck is stopping me. I've posted chapter 69 yesterday over at FF (fanfiction.net) so unless I get my act together I will catch up on myself and they will end up waiting for way longer than a week or two for it to be posted.

So what have I been doing for the past two months of my break? I've been writing new stories. I just posted one of them here. It's the one called 'Love's Love'. The one I'm working on now, will be posted over at Scribd when I'm done with it. I may try posting it over at DA, but my subject matter maybe pushing it.

Anyway, I'm trying to finish this current story up so I can get back to making myself work on Inuyasha.

Speaking of which, I think it's time I've posted a link to the story. Maybe with some new feedback I'll be more motivated to continue the story.

Read - FanFiction.net reading page

My Home

2010-07-10T14:14:00.007-04:00

Here is one that isn't as new, but it's less than a year old.

It also has the same deal as the last story. Posted on DA (Deviantart) and a DA account is needed to read each chapter by itself.

I have far less chapters but they are a little longer.

Slight warning. This is a bi-gay story.

Enjoy.

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Chapter 1 - Work

"Carman, I couldn't find those veggie chips that you said Louis likes. Are you sure of the brand you told me?" I asked as I dropped my keys into the wicker basket that my wife kept by the front door.

"What are you looking for?" she asked from the kitchen. I walked down the hall with what I had bought from the store. I turned left into the kitchen area and placed the bags on the long counter top.

"Let's see," I said as I pulled out the paper from my pocket. "I think it was 'Demas'," I said before actually seeing it. "Dantai's," I corrected myself. "It says Dantai's here, but I couldn't find it at the store," I said as I held it out for her to look at, which was going to take awhile since she was stirring a pot that currently had her attention. She placed some green things in as she continued to stir. It could have been rosemary for all I knew or cared at that point.

"I'm going to take a bath," I told her as I took off my tie. "Tell Louis that I'm sorry about the chips if he arrives while I'm in the shower," I said as I stood there with my tie in hand. I waited for her to say something, but she just tasted another pot and kept her back to me. I shook my head and walked to the other side of the kitchen and up the stair to our bedroom and master bath.

It had been a long day at work and then I had to shop with every other person who just finished work and really didn't want to be packed in a store looking for dinner either. I got bumped out of line before I even made it to the cashier by people cutting me off and one old lady that didn't feel that old when she pushed me in the toilet paper isle. I started to strip in front of the bed and sat to take off my shoes and socks before standing to pull down my trousers and boxers. I walked over to the radio in the bathroom and turned it on before stepping into the shower. I wasn't able to leave work until six-thirty and I haven't a clue when I was able to leave the supermarket, but the DJ just said that it was eight-fifteen. I took longer than I thought.

I let the water fall onto my head and slid down the rest of my body as the radio played it's eighties at eight play list. I heard part of Cindy Lauper's 'She Bop' as I searched for my shampoo among Carman's bottles and things she had on the shower shelf. I found the black bottle and poured a good amount into my hand before using the wall to snap it close. I closed my eyes as I started to rub it into my hair and the smell of what they call mountain spring, entered my lungs.

I left the lather in my hair as I washed my face so I could see where my body soap was. I turned off the water and the music come in clearer with Huey Lewis singing 'Got to Get Back in Time' as I now reached for the tall red bottle. I scrubbed under my arms with my fingers, after spreading some of the soap over my chest and arms. I squeezed a bit more out and moved it over my limp cock and balls before back to my lower back and lower to the crack of my ass and even my asshole. For the last time I filled my hands with the soap before putting it away. I moved down each leg and pressed back against the wall to clean out between my toes. With soapy hands I reached out and turned back on the water. I bent my head under the warm water and turned the back of my scalp into it and stood there for a while before working my fingers into my hair to wash it free of my shampoo and conditioner combo. My hands then moved lower down over my body pushing the soap down with them.

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Download - Deviantart PDF download Link

Download or Read - Read or Download from Scribd

Read - Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4

Love's Love

2010-07-10T13:29:00.005-04:00

I have a brand spanking new story for you.

As I wrote it I posted it up over at Deviantart. So if you have account you can look for me there under the the name Jemgirl. :)

Well I have two ways for you to see this story. I have a download link for you and I have a page for each chapter. First I'll give you the start of the story and then you can pick how you want to read the rest of the story. :)

I just realized that you will need to have a DA account to read the chapters, so unless you do, you will have to download it one time.

Now the chapters aren't that long. Really. None are over 3 pages.

===================

This is a BL (boy love) story

Chapter 1

===================

I knew that everybody was going to start laughing at my name behind my back, but I couldn't help that my stupid Swedish parents were forced by my grand parents to choose a stupid Swedish name. It makes you wonder if they knew any English back then.

The name Love was actually pretty popular in Sweden. I knew that now after the many times I had argued with my parents over how they could have done this to me. They always gave me the same stupid excuse. Of course that didn't help when they called my name at the start of every class in every new school over and over again.

"L-love..?" the teacher now stuttered unsure if some student had manged to change the names on her list for a joke I'm sure.

With a deep sigh I stood up from my chair and said a line that had become very routine for me. "It's Love. Not love." I stressed on the "o" and added the Swedish accent that I only used when saying Swedish words. It sure didn't sound like the English word love when spoken correctly thank goodness.

I looked around the room for some unknown reason, then sat down disappointed and pissed over the looks I had gotten from my new classmates. Once I was seated I crossed my arms and waited for the class to continue. All too soon I started to hear the quite sounds of laughter from my classmates. Mostly at my expense I was sure.

It was always like this when I started a new school. Even the teacher stuttering my name in front of the class was the same. I sometimes wonder if the students didn't have anything better to do than to laugh at me but at this moment it sure didn't look that way.

In a way I was happy that my parents had the sort of job that forced us to move around in US almost every year. This way the bullying students wouldn't have me to pick on anymore and they would move on to some other student to torment. I considered it an interesting win-win situation.

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Download - PDF File From Deviantart

Download or Read - Read or Download from Scribd

Read - Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4 , Chapter 5 , Chapter 6 , Chapter 7 , Chapter 8 , Chapter 9 , Chapter 10 , Chapter 11 , Chapter 12 , Chapter 13 , Chapter 14 , Chapter 15 , Chapter 16

Links For Henti Manga

2010-03-21T00:44:00.002-04:00

I'm still working on this page, but if you know the name already, or a search you were doing lead you here, then go right ahead and download the one you want. But if you don't want download something that might take you somewhere you weren't ready to go yet, then I suggest doing a search on the name of the manga before downloading. I don't know when I'll get back to this and it's unfair to make you wait.

Alice In Sexland - Complete

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d279fc313a8ffc41fb

Alice Extreme - Complete

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d28ce90d7c20f94153

Ay Papa – Incomplete. I’m still trying to find the rest if there are any. But I have up until 13.

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d267658cc4d6eb0ba0

Behind Moon – Incomplete. I’m still trying to track down the rest.

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d258c1ce00459e6ebe

Countdown Sex Bombs - Complete

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d2d60b377259b80556

Family Circumstances - Complete

Wa Ga Niku Ni Muretsudoi Kurae by Juuzoh - Complete

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d241543965fe5bee9c

Were Slut - Complete

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d271be187f204d56f7

Yamatogawa Witchcraft - Complete

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d2b611083fa1b7fd24

Yukiyanagi Ero Tsuma - Complete

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f36e2372a0ec8cef91b20cc0d07ba4d24ea59decac4a535c

Old Metal Road Block

2009-10-10T20:59:00.003-04:00

This was written, over 10 years ago. I still think it's worth re-posting.

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I sat on my bed one night and looked at the computer screen. I want to write something. But what do I write? I wanted to write something that had in sex. That is mainly my driving point, but as of late, they have ended up with happy endings. Instead of the end of one affair with someone that they liked, but had no intention of staying with.

I may have lost my interest in torrid little affairs. I even surprised myself when I finished "The Maccoys" on a loving note. I think that it is being 21, single, and not having one single date since I was 16. Since I have been down here, everyone is asking me if I was married. Why on earth should I be married at 21? Plus, if I was married, I would not be down here anyway.

I look back at the screen. I have nothing left to write. I have written about teenagers, incest times two, three different ways, swinging, masturbation, rape, speculation about someone else's sex life, sex at work, sex in school with a teacher, sex in a park, sex with friends who turned lovers, one boy and one girl, sex in the bathroom of a bar, and even one where the sex life of other people are brought up for discussion.

I was thinking of writing something about two gay men. I was of course was going to give it a happy ending. But I don't know if I could write it. The idea is novel, but the idea still gives me the slight creeps. I have gotten use to it, and it might even turn me on a bit, but it is still odd. Like the idea of having sex is great, but at times the idea, is seriously gross.

I have never had "sex" I've coupled. I've made love. Some times it looks like having sex has nothing to do with love. Oh, by the way, when I said that I did not have "sex" but made love. I meant that I did not have intercourse. We held, kissed, rubbed against each other, and got partly or fully naked. Before I wised up, I gave blow jobs, I know that the number does not matter, but I only did it twice, and it was over a year between both of them. The same thing goes for when I had anal sex. I am so tight that they did not got all the way in. In fact they got nowhere. They just parted me and continually bummed into me. For kisses, I have the same story. My first set was over a period of four weeks, but only on four different days. I also had the year gap before I was kissed again. Same person for two days that was a day apart. My last encounter with all of this was 5 years ago. Lucky me.

The only good thing that is coming out of all of this, is the fact that I won't by some chance get AIDS. After my last encounter, I realized how dumb I was being. So I told my self that as far as I was going to go from now on, was kissing and groping, and maybe some body kissing. You're probably thinking, what would happen if the guy did not know this and was ready to go all the way? Well I was thinking about that when I meet this guy at a concert, that the band "Sponge" was having at a music store in Manhattan. He was interested in me and I was certainly interested in him. We powed around for about two hours before the gig started, but when it was over he disappeared. I am pretty sure that if my friend was not there I would have kissed him in the line while we were waiting to get in. That way I would not have this slight regret.

He was quite adorable, even if he did drink. His name was Chase, and he worked for a hockey team. I think that he said that he was in the promotions department, and the name of the team was the "Buccaneers". I forget for which part of Florida it belonged. Anyway there was the real likelihood that I was going to end up in his hotel room that night. I got my hand on his butt. He told me to. He had this sticker, and he wanted it on his back pocket, so he asked me to put it on him. After I did, his friend asked me if I had liked doing that and I told him that I did, with a grin on my face. I even wrote a poem about him. But it was not the kind that you think that it was.

So what do I write? I need to write something. I might have to go into period costume. Meaning? I might have to go back into time. Now I am not talking about hundreds of years ago. It will be sometime this century. But then I may not. We will have to see. So until then I have to live through this time of inactivity in writing.

Day Dream

2009-10-10T16:47:00.001-04:00

This story is brand new as of June 6th, '00 and was edited/updated on October 10th, 09.

DayDream

I stood at the top of my street waiting for her to pick me up. I wasn't sure if it was going to be just a girl's night out, or if she would be bringing along her husband. I stood there waiting for about ten minutes looking up and down the street. I didn't even know why. I didn't know what her car looked liked but I kept looking for a blond lady driving a car, coming towards me. For where I lived, that was just as good as if I was looking for her car plate numbers. When I saw her I waved and she pulled up with a smile on her face and her hubby in the back seat. I smiled and said hello in a very 'happy glad to see you, let's party' voice and opened the door to the front seat. I slid in and closed the door before I turned towards her and she leaned over and kissed me on my cheek and I did the same. Then we drove off.

When the car stopped behind some backed up cars, she looked towards me and reached her hand out for my face. She isn't going to do that I thought. Then as her hand continued to reach for me, I thought. 'Could I do this? Kiss another girl?' I watched as she closer and held the back of my head.

To read the rest of the story click here.

Girls Will Be Girls

2009-10-10T04:31:00.002-04:00

(updated and corrected)

Lee sat on the steps in front of her school. She looked down at her watch again. It was 4:33 pm. She looked up the street once more but nothing was coming down it. Where was she? She asked herself for the tenth time. She got up and stretched. She hadn't been waiting for long. Just 40 minutes. She rubbed her ass through her skirt before dusting it off. Lee walked around in a circle for a while then looked at her watch again. It was five minutes later.

"OK... that's it, I'm going home," Lee told herself. She bent to pick up her book bag and lunch kit. Just then a gust of wind blew up her skirt. She almost flinched but then remembered that she wore underwear today. Besides, she told herself as she stood up no one was out here to see. She slung her bag over her shoulder and held her kit in her hand and started walking down the street.

To read the rest of this story click here.

My Home

2009-09-06T03:52:00.006-04:00

I know, I have a link for this story higher up. I just realized that I had the link twice. I was about to get rid of it when I realized that having a link that didn't go to Deviantart could be a good thing. If you don't have an account for that site you might run into problems.

So incase you do, this should be a better link for you. :)

================================

“Carman, I couldn’t find those veggie chips that you said Louis likes. Are you sure of the brand you told me?” I asked as I dropped my keys into the wicker basket that my wife kept by the front door.

“What are you looking for?” she asked from the kitchen. I walked down the hall with what I had bought from the store. I turned left into the kitchen area and placed the bags on the long counter top.

“Let’s see,” I said as I pulled out the paper from my pocket. “I think it was ‘Demas’,” I said before actually seeing it. “Dantai’s,” I corrected myself. “It says Dantai’s here, but I couldn’t find it at the store,” I said as I held it out for her to look at, which was going to take awhile since she was stirring a pot that currently had her attention. She placed some green things in as she continued to stir. It could have been rosemary for all I knew or cared at that point.

“I’m going to take a bath,” I told her as I took off my tie. “Tell Louis that I’m sorry about the chips if he arrives while I’m in the shower,” I said as I stood there with my tie in hand. I waited for her to say something, but she just tasted another pot and kept her back to me. I shook my head and walked to the other side of the kitchen and up the stair to our bedroom and master bath.

To read the rest of the story click here.

Inuyasha Story Update

2009-09-05T05:49:00.002-04:00

Hello.

Ya, it's been a while since I posted something.

I'm up to chapter 67 now for my Inuyasha story. I have about a page down now after looking at one line for like 2 weeks.

I'm also changing how I upload my chapters from now on because I'm starting college this week. On Thursday I go to my first class.

I'm going to be uploading one chapter for the week instead of three starting this week and right now I'm not even sure what day that will be.

I'll be uploading chapter 36 I think this Tuesday. This Tuesday is the only day that I know for sure I'll be uploading on.

I found a story that I kinda forgot about and will be posting here soon. Providing I don't fall into a study hole this upcoming week. *grin* *weakly*

Well, See ya.

Chapter 64

2009-07-24T23:21:00.005-04:00

Hello People. *grin*

I have arrived at chapter 64. I'm narrowing in on the end. I may make my new dead line and have this completed by the time I start college. Wouldn't that be nice?

A few weeks ago, I just started re-writing a story of mine that I had grown beyond a bit. The re-write took me in a whole new direction. I've now ventured into sexual torture. I hint at most of it since it was in the past, but what makes it a really edgy story for me is the fact that it's an 'incest' story.

Don't hate me. *hands up to ward off blows* The good thing is.... well I killed the good thing buy doing something else. Or at least hinting at it. Ok...you can rant on me now.

In other story writing news, I've come to realize that if I ever do another story for Fanfiction under Inuyasha, that I should Kagome's couple-hood away and in a separate story from anyone else's.

My popularity has taken a dive because of it. Hold on. Have I told you that I started to post my Inuyasha story over at FanFiction.net yet? Sorry if I haven't. It's titled "Together". I know. I suck at names. Speaking of which I need to look up a name for someone knew how is just passing thought my story right now. I'm not even sure where I actually left off. :(

Ok, I left off at page 4 of chapter 64 and I'm giving Sango and her mate-to-be some air time. I have been short changing them. I think I may let them wonder around and talk to us for a bit about things going one at Sess' home and the upcoming annoucements. I'm so fare in the furture that you most likly will not remember me telling you all this. :) I hate giving away a story, but I don't think I'm giving away much here.

Well I should find those two names. I got to go now.

See ya next update. :)

I've Touched Inuyasha.

2009-06-19T21:12:00.003-04:00

Yep, I read what I wrote of the last chapter I was on, and I added new lines. I might or might not add anything historical to it now. It is fairy tale after all. I'll just make up something add a few things to make it seem like it could have been real and even thrown in a few real names to make it even more so. But I'll put a note at the end of the chapter saying that, that is what I did for when or if they run into those names later in life.

I haven't officially ended that other story, but I have left it at a place that some may consider and ending of some kind. Now that I'm making myself think about it, I think that I'll consider it end of part one. I think that I'll do an over look of the rest of the time, then jump like 3 years. If I get that do, which doesn't sound hard, I'll be happy. I've been telling myself that I should do that for the Inuyasha story, but I seem to want to write a real story and just a lemon one. BTW lemon means sex and lime means sexy. I didn't come up with it, but I'm going with it.

I also have an ending to the Inuyasha story that I came up with months ago. I thought of turning it into a one shot and posting it, but so much of it relies on what I have in the main story that if I ever post it, it will have to be after the main story if finish and up unless I find some way to expanding on it and explain a few things. But I don't want to really do that either because I feel like I would be giving away parts of the story that I was building up to.

At this rate, I'll might just hold on to it until well after the other story is up and then post this to maybe get some interest in the main story again. Almost sounds like marking or advertising ha? :)

Well I'm on my way back to it now. I've started and I'm going to stick at it for a while. See ya.

My Current Stories

2009-06-16T22:20:00.005-04:00

Hi ya.

Let's see. I think I'm working on the 59th chapter now. I know I said I think, it's because I stopped to wait for a book that I put on hold from the library. I wanted to throw in something humanly real. Having Inuyasha them come across some Japanese history.

I got the book, but I haven't got back the story yet. I'm sorry. *bowing*
When I was waiting for the book, I looked over a story of mine that I don't think I'll post because firstly I thought it was too out there. When I read again this last week, I just seemed bad to me and I started to 're-write' it. I didn't trash the old one. I'm just starting almost from scratch and threw the old plot out the window. I think I just kept the three names and two or three other things. But it's like looking at night and day with the two story lines.

I got a lot of it done to my surprise and it just ran with itself. I feel like I'm doing a lot of new things in this story that I haven't done before. Almost like I've moved on to a new stage of writing. But it could just be me writing the way I think this story is suppose to be and is turning out or how the story wants itself to be told. It's also a dark one. I mean I've made people mean in this one. The closet I've ever come to one like this is an old rape story that I remembered not enjoying writing that much. But I am liking this one for some reason.

I'm a bit surprised at the turns that this story is taking. I think that I'm almost at the end. I'm up to chapter 6 now. The first two chapters were short, but the last one was about 4 pages long. I may post this one over at a erotic story site to get some traffic for my own site. We'll see.

But once that is over, it's back to Japan for me and to start making some head way on the story once again. So far this story has lived through a one shot of "Death Note" a one shot of "Harry Potter" that turned into 3 chapters. I Personal request for a story from a friend of mine or it was just me wanting to write what he told with more details, I'm not sure, and now this story.

If anything, I have to end this before I start school so it won't end up being on the back burner for who knows how long. If I put it away for that long, I may not like what I come back to and burn the whole thing. The me now doesn't like that idea. I like the story a lot right now and I want it out there. If anything I want to post it for Lynnit to see it over Fanfiction.net.

Well It's time for bed for me. I've stayed up watching Asian Films and it's now after 1am Seattle time.

See ya.

Chapter 58 Compleated.

2009-05-12T15:27:00.004-04:00

Hey, I'm back.

I know.

I've been gone for a while...I've been writing.. or reading. :)

As you can see I'm still chugging along with my story. I took some time off to write two shorter ones.

One can be found over at http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1574092/

The newest one went up, as you can see, a week or so ago. Also, there was one that went up around the new year. I think I forgot to tell you about that one. Sorry.

The other one I did is hanging out over at deviantart. The name is "My Home". I did it for a site for pay. They haven't gotten back to me yet to let me know if they like it enough to pay to use it on their site. It's very sexy as you have guessed. :)

Would love some comments.

I'm working on chapter 59 and now my new goal for ending the story is 65'ish. Ya, hard to pin down a number.

Oh, here is a little nibble of this forever story.

A Peek by ~jemgirl on deviant ART

See ya.

Chapter 45 compleated

2008-12-07T03:46:00.001-05:00

I've now finished writing chapter 45 of my yet to be named yaoi fanfiction.

This last chapter was a long one. Six whole pages. And I mean whole. I started at the top of a page, and I ended at the end of the page. I think it's the longest I've been written in a while.

I have not slept yet and it's 8:19am, and I think that I'll be going out instead to do run for my sister. So she will be doing the dishes that have looked at me all night.

The last page and a half of the story is a very nice lemon. I don't know why they call it that, but it's what you call a sex scene, I was just going to make it a lime but I went all the way and made it turn yellow. I think I did a good job of it too.

I take that back... now that I really think about, only one of them got off by design, so I guess it could be called a lime still.

Now, even though I say that I'm finished. I still have to re-read the whole thing back over to make sure I catch the dumb mistakes that I made, and change the wording around of something or things that didn't sit well with me.

I'm hoping to have this finished up come the end of the month. A nice gift for the new year ha? :)

Well I think that I might wash some dishes before leaving the house. I want to finish watch the movie before getting dressed.

This is my first post that goes to all my blogs. :) Cool.

See ya next update.

Need

2008-09-16T01:05:00.002-04:00

I ran down the hall to my office, closing the door behind me. What was I doing? I asked myself, leaning up against the cool wood. My hand kneaded my chest. I'm so hot! I walked over to my desk and swung myself into my chair, staring at the work that was piled on the desk waiting for me. I picked up a page the dropped it, not able to concentrate as all I could imagine was his face and his eyes.

They were green and glowing, looking at me so I could not move. They would not let me move.

His hand had reached out towards me, but I started to back up, shaking my head as my body trembled.

To continue Reading This Story click here.

The Memories

2008-09-14T06:24:00.005-04:00

I'm sure this will be be my least liked story. Just about nothing happens in this story. Everything happens in about 30mins if not less.

======================================

Her hand flew, with more speed than she thought that she had, at that thing that was making this horrid buzzing noise. Her aim was lousy. However on her third attempt she hit it squarely on the head, and it stopped. How cooperative. She then knocked it to the floor. You asked for it. She really did like the clock. It saves her from being fired, but today was Sunday. She wanted to sleep and dream of wicked things that had happened to her and were real. They may not be real to her, but they had to be real to someone.

She could not go back to sleep. The clock had done its job well. Slowly she sat up. She felt like going to sleep, but knew that it would not happen. She held her hands and stretched them out infront of her, then lifted them over her head. They then fell to the bed. Now I feel like a rag doll. Corn flakes. She could already smell and taste it along with the milk. She stands up and puts her hand to the small of her back. That bed is going to kill me one of these days.

To continue Reading this Story click Here.

Teacher's Pet

2008-07-17T07:22:00.000-04:00

This is an account, of an all too brief time in my life. My name is Karan A. Carter. When I was between the ages of sixteen and nineteen, I was involved in a relationship with my International History Teacher. It had lasted for a period of three years.

To read the rest of this story click here.

Belated Gifts

2008-07-17T07:19:00.002-04:00

I saw her for the first time when she walked pass me in the cafeteria. That was two days ago. Now she stood in front of me in the locker room of the swimming pool. Two hours earlier she had walked in, said hi, striped down to her birthday suit and put on a black and white one-piece. Then went for her swim. I came out five minutes behind of her. Two hours later when I heard her say to one of her friends that she was leaving in five minutes, I made a point of getting out of the pool and into the locker room two minutes before her. Now here we are again. Me trying to look at her without looking like I'm looking at her, and she's once again naked and drying herself off with a green towel. She was so good looking I almost felt like I had no right to look at her, much less like her. She had C-cup breasts that had big quarter shaped nipples. She had light brown hair that reached her soft round butt. She turned towards me and placed a leg up on the bench to dry in there. Ahh! She had hair there, how sexy. The first girl that I almost went to bed with had hair down there and ever since I've like girls who had a hairy pussy. I leaned into my locker as I watched her.

To continue reading this story click here.

Storm

2008-07-13T20:03:00.000-04:00

Storm

The clouds left the sky,
And to earth they came.

They visited us with rain,
And a cold darkness.

I saw the curtain of black hair that fell from the sky,
And I felt saltless tears as they fell on my face.

I heard the wailing of a widow,
Who shared her grief with me.

We both felt cold,
We both felt alone.

Natural Resource

2008-07-13T19:59:00.002-04:00

Natural Resource

My hand touched this piece of earth.
It's shinning color dyed my hands.
My hands moved and recreated.
My fingers formed lines and curves.

Sweat slid from my chin,
And collided with hands that now belonged to a goddess.
It slid to what has changed.

From what was taken from it's mother,
To scarring it's capture,
To what lies before us in its new shape.
It's improved form.
It's restricted image.
It's forced compliance to the rules of humans.

What's My Deal?

2008-07-13T19:59:00.001-04:00

What's My Deal?

That would be black love.
Wild,
Involving,
Demanding,
Giving, bed shaking, bone rattling, possessive, sweet, salted, musty,
Explosive,
Lingering,
Warm,
And ready to do it again.

February 14th

2008-07-13T19:57:00.001-04:00

February 14th

A week away today,
I wondered about the ships.
Today there is one.
I saw it from the hill.
It's shimmering presence,
Was reflected in the dark water by its side.

I knew that lovers would come,
They had to.
A small island,
Beautiful and green,
And hinted with heat.

They would find each other's embrace,
And look up at the full moon that possessed the sky.
Their bare feet rested on the cold sand,
As they heard the surf.

It was not that far away,
As it defied the commands of Persideon,
To kiss the toes of land.

Parts of a song drifted towards them,
"I love you, I love you, I do."

I focused my eyes,
And saw it,
As it slowly slipped out of port.

An End To It All

2008-07-13T05:31:00.000-04:00

An End to it All

He stares up at the night sky.
He sees one star,
Then two,
Then they become one again.
As, and where his head moved
They would follow.
He laid across a ring,
That floated in a pool,
His pool.

His wife learned how to swim in this pool.
He wanted to cry,
He laughed until his sides ached.

They had wanted to have children.
How many times had he seen himself cradling his month old daughter?
Or seen his son at the age of seven,
Calling to him to see him dive into the pool?
But for some reason they never had.
He found out why a month ago.

She was on the pill,
She used a diaphragm,
She made love with someone else.

It fell from his hand,
Floated,
Then slowly sank.
The light hung on to its metallic point,
As it met the tiled bottom.

He was a coward.
He knew that he was a coward.
He wanted to leave feeling good.
His eyes grew heavy with sleep,
But he knew that it was not sleep that bid him come.

As he saw his eye lashes close down,
He heard pounding on his door.
He heard the shouting of his name.
And as clarity consumed him he heard the presence
Of the sirens fighting for the night air.

His only words were then spoken,
"They're on ..."
Time never escaped his lips.
But he escaped time.
Only to be caught by the bonny hand of death.

Among The Clouds

2008-07-13T05:30:00.001-04:00

Among The Clouds

Hold onto me.
If you don't,
You will fall.

I am the one who has the wings.
Guess why I never gave you any?

Scream,
I'll just fly higher.
Enjoy the view.

You are mine.
You will always be mine.

Come Back

2008-07-13T05:26:00.006-04:00

Firstly, just so I don't disappoint you. This is not a sex story. It's something short and a little sad. Come back to it when you are not in the sexual mind set.

===============================

"Come back my love."

"It pains me to leave you again so soon my lady. You know that if I could I would stay here with you." He told me as he looked into my eyes. The air around us was cool with out being cold and it stirred his hair very nicely as whipped around us. I looked down at his hands that were holding mine, as they were laying on my lap. He had only been back two months. Now he was off again. I already miss him and fear for him and he was still here in our home. I turned my face up to look at him again. I saw it in his eyes. He was more saddened by leaving me than I was about him leaving.

"Tell me again how short of a time you will be gone this time?" I asked him.

"I was assured that my services will not be required for more than a year and half." He told me. Over a year! I almost shivered. I smiled at him and I felt hollow as I said,

To continue reading this story click here.

My Request

2008-07-13T05:24:00.002-04:00

Request

"Come closer, I'm the one bent over the couch. I'm the one hiking up my short skirt. I'm the one who has no panties on. I'm the one who has her finger in her pussy. I'm the one who's squirming and whining her ass. I'm the one who want's it up her ass.

To continue reading this story click here.

Want A Lift?

2008-07-13T03:27:00.003-04:00

I was walking home one night from the bakery with some sweet wheat rolls to eat tomorrow with some eggs for breakfast, along with some other goodies. I took a short cut that would help me avoid Jeffrey, who seems to have moved into a house a block from mine. At this point I was six blocks from home. I had gotten off the subway a stop early so I could buy the bread. This weekend is what I have been looking forward too since Tuesday. And I wanted it to be great. I may also add that Jeffrey is not seen in this weekend's picture. My feet for some reason did not feel up to walking, but I reminded them of the soft bed that was waiting for them and so we trudged on.

I crossed a street then stopped to adjust my bags, when I heard someone calling my name. I turned and saw a very familiar blue truck pulling up along side me. It was Andrew and Lauren.

"Hi, guys." I told them.

"Hello. Would you like a lift home?" Andrew asked me.

"Yes. I would." I told him.

Lauren reached her hand back to open the back door for me. I loaded my stuff in then myself. I lived on a one-way street so he had to take a longer way to get there than if I had walked it, but I am not complaining.

"What are you guys doing in my neck of the woods?" I asked them.

"We were coming to see you." Andrew said as he turned down my street.

"Oh. How nice." I said. I did not expect anyone to come over. I was the one that goes to see them. It is a good thing that I bought all this extra stuff, for I have almost nothing in my house portioning to snack food.

To Read the rest of the story click here.

What I fear will happen.

2008-07-12T23:36:00.002-04:00

Apologize

Touch, kiss, lick,
“I’m sorry.” Whispered my lips.
Hands roam further,
Eyes see more.
“I’m sorry.” Once again slips from my weak lips.
What I touch burns, hardens, and quivers.
“Ah! I’m sorry, that your sorry.” He tells me.

“Don’t be sorry. Be with me.”
I crawl over his body,
And cover him with my shaking one.
I lick his lips,
I kiss his neck,
I touch his cheek.
“I’m sorry.” I murmured into his shoulder blade.

“Stop lying. Tell me the truth. What do you really feel?” He asked.
His strong arms held me away from him.
I look down into his eyes.
My mouth opens.
My tongue runs over my dry lips.
“You are mine.” My voice said.

I slowly come to rest once again on his chest.
My lips met his,
And his tongue met mine.
I’m sorry my husband to be,
You will not have a virgin bride.
I’m sorry.
I press my body into his.

Jack and Me

2008-07-12T05:32:00.007-04:00

Ok... This is one of the longest ones I've done, and I'm asking if anyone wants me to continue it. I'm pretty sure that I was going to continue it years ago, but at one point I just stopped. Should I start again?

====================================================

Jack and Me

I was walking up the hill, on which my house sat, in the afternoon sun. I turned off the road and unto my driveway to hear a car screech to a halt behind of me. I turned around to see Jack’s car. It was a car that you would not have a hard time recognizing. It looked something that Germany would be proud of, if it was not colored neon purple. What was he doing here? I asked myself. I had just come from my sister’s, and she had said that they (Jack and Veronica) were in the middle of a fight. I was told that he told her that he was not going to see her for a week. My sister had predicted three days. I disagreed and gave him two. The last time that I was alone with him, he had said that he no longer had a girl. That he and Veronica had broken up.

To read the rest of this story click here.

Nine To Five - Payback

2008-07-11T02:14:00.003-04:00

"I'm tired of you playing with me." I told him as I locked his door behind me. I kicked off my heals as I walked over to him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as I came closer.

"I came back for a disk and saw that you were still here. So I decided to tell you that I don't like being played with."

"What do you mean, being played with? If you're talking about that raise I already talked with Mr. Kar about it. I swear."

"Oh, you swear?" I asked him. That being the only thing he said that caught my attention.

"Yes I do." he said.

"Well that is good to know. It would not have been worth all my effort if you didn't." He shakes his head in agreement, then stops to stare at me as I pull my belt from around my waist. Then I took off my skirt then shirt. I didn't want to get them dirty.

To finish reading this story click here.

Our Small Cabin

2008-07-11T02:11:00.002-04:00

Our small cabin is actually a shorter walk from the beach then I thought it would be. I was standing by the screened window in a dusty brown shirt. It's blowing and fluttering around my upper thighs with the help of the standing fan that was in the room. I heard your bare feet on the wooden floor, as you came towards me. You stood behind me, then leaned into me as you garbed my upper arms. You bent your head and kissed me around the sides of me neck, and up to my ear, as I tilted my head in the other direction. You told me that you couldn't watch me any more, that it was hurting you too much. I melted on the inside, and leaned back into you. Your hands left my arms and came across my chest, and over my breasts to undo the buttons of my shirt. You opened up my shirt, but you did not take it off.

To continue this story click here.

Brimstone Hill Photo Batch

2008-06-30T02:45:00.000-04:00

Brimstone Hill

Second Album of the Past

2008-06-30T02:28:00.000-04:00

More Island Then School Photos

First Album of the Past

2008-06-29T23:24:00.002-04:00

me for web

I don't know what to call this poem.....What would you name it?

2008-06-29T02:01:00.000-04:00

Untitled

I
A feather swirls point down,
The water below expects it,
But moves on any way.

II
She makes a right turn,
Just to bubble and swirl around a few stones and a small tree.
She quickly puts a mile behind her.
She calms and pulls herself together.

III
She comments to herself that it is a wonder that she has this much of herself to pull together,
Considering the lack of fain this month.
Rushing along she passes below old Johnson Bridge.
"The 1849's built that bridge,
But it was more like a 1849'er,
Mr. Johnson, the banker.
The beams had to be replaced last year.
I should know,
I'm the one that goes around them,
And who crashes into them.

IV
"Good bye Bubbles."
"Good bye Johnson."
"Besides Bubbles, the others that pass by on a regular bases is Mr. Johnson and his grand kids,
They come by every Sunday afternoon to walk and pick flowers.
The flowers usually come from the meadow on the eastern side of me,
The town is to the west.(FYI)

V
"Meadow! I'm more than a meadow!
I'm Rose Park.
Come the 4th of July and New Year's,
I'm the most popular place in town."
"A Meadow indeed!"

You know what I have just been through.

2008-06-29T01:35:00.000-04:00

Needed

I sat with my legs being held to my chest,
As close as I could get them as I laid in bed.
Tears were coming down my face.
I hate crying.
Why was I crying?

I didn't want to cry,
He was the one who would suffer
I know that I'm a good person.
I know I am.

I hate myself
No one wants me,
And I want someone.
I do.

A very sad thing that happens too often.

2008-06-28T22:51:00.000-04:00

Time

Part One

I felt my present
Become my past.

I saw every thing that once was tangible.
My friends, the places I had been and the things I did,
Become dated, memories.
My memories began to fade

I felt the cup in my hand at that time.
I felt the grains,
I knew the color of it was blue.
I felt the color blue

I drank the water from the tap,
It tasted much better than it did earlier

Part Two

I
With history heavy in my lap.
I stretched a hand forward and opened it

I saw her blue eyes which were crinkled at the edges,
Looking back at me.
Her hair was stuck in a persuasion to go east

My hand moved upwards again to move the hands of time.
I turned the page over to see us together,
And smiling like a couple of twelve year olds at the age of twenty something.
Our poses were also reminiscent of juvenile beings

I closed it then,
Not wanting to feel anymore,
Because I was not ready to believe

II
I got up and went into the kitchen,
With the intent to clean.
I already had two plates in my hands,
That I brought from the table.
I place them in the sink,
And reached for the two glasses that still stood on the counter

I saw her lipstick on the edge of the glass,
Where it half enclosed a tiny flower.
I remember ten minutes ago.
"I walked through the door just in time to hear the phone ring.
I thought she called to tell me that she forgot something at my place.
It was her brother "Hi Jimmy!".
He then told me in sobbing detail.

I put the glass under the faucet,
And with some soap I erased her.
Water slid out of my face,
As I said "Good-bye."

Can you tell were I got the title from?

2008-06-28T22:31:00.000-04:00

This Kiss, This Kiss

1
My hand slowly traveled up the front of his shirt,
My fingers played with his collar.
The tips of my fingers grazed his chest and the lower part of his neck

2
My head was bent as he looked at me.
I tried once again to tell myself that it was true.
He was here,
I saw my gold ring shining in the afternoon’s light.
We belonged to each other.
He wanted me.

3
My eyes traveled up to his eyes,
As my hand closed in on the back of his neck.
I felt his hands as he pulled me closer.
Our breaths kissed before we did

4
Soon the wall, floor and air,
Was filled with capping and cheers.
As much as I wanted to cling to him,
I had to let him go.
We then turned to world,
And pronounced man and wife.

Songs and me..

2008-06-28T22:27:00.000-04:00

Clairvoyance

I looked up and saw him looking down on me.
Then he smiled, and I fell apart inside.

I reached out my fingers to touch his face,
I collided with cold glass.
I stepped back and closed my eyes.

His fingers grazed the keys,
The drummer tapped his skins softly,
And I heard the whisper of a violin.

As I opened my mouth his voice tumbled fort.
My head swayed from side to side.
I sang with him a duet,
With a silent voice.

My body began to move.
My hands were raised to the level of my eyes,
And his emotions where shown on my face.

I became elegant,
Enrapturing,
music.

Being separated is tough.

2008-06-28T22:25:00.000-04:00

Exile

"Oh, stop it." I told my self in disgust.I folded my hands around me,and held my coat to me, even thought I did not feel the cold.

I do miss him, but there was nothing I could do about it.I looked over the small channel and looked at the island's lights.Wishing that they were the New York sky line.

I wrote this for a friend who never became more.

2008-06-28T22:03:00.000-04:00

Waking...

With legs crossed,
And mind absorbed in the sad tale of a song I reflected on my life.

As the heat radiated from my body,
I felt no cooler, no warmer.

I sat naked under the blanket, with one leg revealed.
My hands crossed themselves as they rested on it.

I felt so tired.
I needed someone.

I felt his hand as it rubbed itself up and down my back.
I looked to my side to see his face that was naked of its glasses.

I can hardly believe that I am here with you.
I am in bed with you, and you’ve touched my naked body as I have touched yours.

I am sorry that I did not have sex with you,
I am in love with you. You know this don’t you?

But I will wait for our wedding day.
That night I will give you all that is me. Whole and complete.

I reached out my hand and laid it on the side of his face.
You are real.

Dream sweetly my love, dream of me.
Like I have dreamed of you.

I Miss The Cold

2008-06-28T21:46:00.000-04:00

I
Send me some snow,
And I'll send you a flower.

II
A flower that has breathed the same air as I.
A flower that will give you it's last breath of the Caribbean.

III
Smell it's fragrance,
And you will smell the sea.
You will taste the salt on you tongue,
As you smell it engulfing you.

IV
You will taste the sugar cane as it grows around you.
You will fell this liquid sweetness as it slides down your throat.

V
Feel the tropical sun as its air surrounds you.
Feel the warmth as it shines down on your out stretched limbs,
And defrosts your bones and your soul.

VI
Send me some snow,
And I'll send you on a spiritual cruise.

I wrote this poem a long time ago. You can thank Lain for me for it.

2008-06-28T21:09:00.000-04:00

Rain

I stood on my front porch and watched as its red tail stuck up from behind the trees and it's growling shook the ground on which I stood. I knew that it was him. He was leaving. He did not tell me good-bye. I watched as the tail traveled down its path and its roar got louder. It felt as if it was screaming for the sky and earth to accept it. But it was not the one who was asking. He was declaring that he was taking to the sky, and that you were being warned.

I stood there and hoped that he could have seen me. That I would cry. That I would be entrusted with the screeching decibels for the tearing of my heart. That he would look down from the heavens and see me standing here as the rain began to fall, saving me the embarrassment, of being seen crying.

But his winged creature carried him away from me. And when it finally lifted him up into the sky, I could not be seen. I did not cry, my heart gave a little murmur. It knew that something happened. And that sweet rain, that cold rain, did not come. It did not help in my act of moaning.

Was it waiting for it to happen a second time? Was it waiting for him to return? For me to raise my hopes that he might realize that I was worth having? That he would come looking for me? For me to realize that he was here for three months and that he did not once came to say hello? Was it waiting for the day that it sinks in and I'm wondering one cold night by the bay?

I will stood there looking out at the sea and once again I see his plane as it carried him off. My skirt was being picked up by the wind, and my legs started to feel the biting sting of sand. The night air got colder and the smells around me become one. The scent of rain. It was coming. With my head held high and my feet not hurrying to carry me away, I felt it first on my back. Then it fell on my head, and it worked its way down to my heels.

As the heat was slowly being forced from my body, I forced tears from my soul. I had to cry. I had to heal. If I held on to what he did to me I never will. It would just be another sob story to tell someone. I will heal this, and no one would know that he was here. In my heart. That he tore it and left me asking "Why?". My chest shook and my cries got louder. I knew that no one was around as I fell to my knees and cried. I was not just crying because of him anymore. I was crying for all the times that I didn't. For everyone that I had ever lost or missed, and kept it inside. For every disappointment that I just made light of.

From one girl to another she was telling me that it was all right to cry. I listened. Mother and child cried that night. When it was over I walked home. We were both cleansed. Me of aching wounds and her of the smudges man had placed on her.